8 Self-Pleasure Tips for Deeper Intimacy and Awareness
The Legacy of Self-Pleasure
Self-pleasure, or masturbation, is usually thought of as the act of stimulating the genitals, often with one, or both hands for sexual pleasure. Masturbation has a somewhat shameful legacy in our culture. Not so long ago, it was believed that masturbation caused blindness and insanity, and could even make the sexual organs fall off! Kellogg’s Corn Flakes was invented by John Harvey Kellogg in the late 19th century as a cure for masturbation. The now popular breakfast cereal was originally meant to help prevent the practice from happening, as the inventor thought of it as an ‘abominable crime’. Read more about overcoming sexual shame.
Masturbation is natural and healthy, and something that babies and children naturally do as part of their sexual development, out of both curiosity and pleasure. There is to date no evidence to show that the practice impairs physical or mental health. Nevertheless, because of the stigma that touching one’s genitals often carries, many people learn to masturbate quietly, quickly, and secretly. This is because we often develop fears around being heard, caught, or seen, and so develop the practice in private and in secret. This leads to a common practice of limiting the amount of pleasure we naturally are able to experience.
Another common side effect of rushing to finish is that self-pleasuring can become both genital and orgasm-focused, yet it can be so much more. It’s a profound opportunity to connect with your body, explore your desires, and nourish your emotional well-being. When approached with mindfulness and care, self-pleasure becomes a sacred practice of self-discovery and healing. In this guide, we’ll explore eight transformative self-pleasure tips designed to elevate your solo intimacy to a deeply fulfilling ritual.
Why Self-Pleasure Matters
Before diving into the tips, it’s important to acknowledge the holistic benefits of self-pleasure. Beyond simple release, it offers:
Stress relief and mood regulation through the release of dopamine and oxytocin.
Enhanced self-awareness, helping you understand your body’s unique preferences and triggers.
Improved sleep and reduced anxiety.
A healing space to process trauma or shame around sexuality.
Greater intimacy with partners through clearer communication of your needs.
When we strip away the rush, guilt, or habitual patterns often associated with masturbation, we open the door to a radically new and nourishing experience.
1. Dedicate Intentional Time
The first step toward enriching self-pleasure is carving out intentional, uninterrupted time for yourself. Treat it with the same importance you would a date or a therapy session. This isn’t something to sneak into a spare five minutes — it’s a practice of presence and reverence.
How to implement:
Set aside 30–60 minutes where you won’t be disturbed.
Turn off notifications and create a boundary with your space.
See this time not as indulgence, but as necessary self-care.
Why it matters:
Removing urgency creates a safe psychological space where your body can soften into trust, allowing pleasure to unfold naturally instead of being forced.
2. Create a Sensory Sanctuary
Your environment deeply influences your emotional and sexual state. A chaotic or sterile space can leave your nervous system unsettled, while a thoughtfully created space encourages you to drop into the moment.
Ideas to try:
Dim the lights and light a few candles.
Play music or ambient soundscapes that evoke sensuality.
Use essential oils like ylang-ylang, sandalwood, or lavender.
Keep soft textures nearby: a warm blanket, silk robe, or fur rug.
Why it matters:
Pleasure is multisensory. Activating all your senses increases your presence, which heightens your capacity for deeper physical and emotional sensation.
3. Touch Your Whole Body — Not Just Genitals
One of the biggest blocks to meaningful self-pleasure is genital-centric touch. While there’s nothing wrong with stimulation focused on climax, limiting pleasure to this area can actually mute your full-body erotic potential.
Practice this:
Start by massaging your neck, arms, inner thighs, or chest.
Explore erogenous zones like ears, feet, scalp, or lower back.
Use long strokes, circular movements, or tapping to vary sensation.
Why it matters:
Your entire body can be a source of erotic pleasure. Waking up these dormant areas increases arousal and brings a more profound sense of aliveness.
4. Vary the Rhythm and Pressure of Touch
Most people stick to one habitual rhythm or motion during self-pleasure. That’s fine for quick release — but for fuller, more nourishing pleasure, variety is key.
Tips:
Alternate between slow and fast, soft and firm.
Use your fingertips, palms, knuckles, or even textured tools.
Experiment with cool or warm objects, like stones or water.
Why it matters:
Novelty heightens the brain’s sensory awareness. Changing touch patterns awakens nerve endings and expands your pleasure range.
5. Engage Conscious Breathing
Breath is the bridge between body and mind. When we hold our breath or breathe shallowly during arousal, we limit both our emotional and physical potential.
Try this:
Inhale slowly for 4 counts, exhale for 6.
Breathe into your belly to deepen connection with your pelvic area.
Let your breath guide your rhythm and keep you grounded in sensation.
Why it matters:
Conscious breathing calms the nervous system and increases circulation, helping you access deeper states of arousal, emotional release, and even non-genital orgasms.
6. Express Yourself Through Sound
Most of us were taught to be quiet during sexual experiences, especially when alone. But sound is a natural and powerful release valve.
Try:
Letting yourself sigh, moan, hum, or whisper affirmations.
Experimenting with vocal tones (low, high, soft, guttural).
Breathing audibly or syncing breath with sounds.
Why it matters:
Sound releases energy stuck in the body. It can transform tension into pleasure and allows for emotional expression, which is especially healing during solo intimacy.
7. Let Your Body Move
Don’t feel limited to lying still. Your body naturally wants to move when it feels good. Let it.
Explore:
Rocking your hips or rolling your spine.
Stretching or yoga-like flows during or before touch.
Self-dancing or swaying with music before starting.
Why it matters:
Movement helps pleasure circulate through your entire body, releasing energy and enhancing sensations. It also deepens your connection to primal, embodied joy.
8. Welcome All Emotions
Self-pleasure can sometimes bring up unexpected emotions — sadness, shame, grief, or even anger. Rather than resisting or judging them, try to greet them with compassion.
Practice:
If tears come, let them.
If shame arises, name it aloud and breathe through it.
Journal after your session to integrate anything that surfaced.
Why it matters:
Pleasure and pain are both forms of energy. When we allow emotional release through self-pleasure, we create space for authentic healing and more expansive joy.
Advanced Practices to Explore
Once you’ve laid the foundation, you can explore deeper levels of self-pleasure through techniques like:
Erotic meditation – Combining visualization, breath, and subtle touch.
Sensual mirror work – Watching yourself with love and curiosity.
Self-massage with oil – Especially around the hips, belly, and thighs.
Jade egg or yoni wands – For women, these can enhance pelvic floor connection.
- Check out educational videos from Orgasmic Yoga (a reasonable priced subscription)
Each of these practices helps deepen your relationship to your body and pleasure in a conscious, embodied way.
Self-Pleasure Without Shame
Shame around self-pleasure is one of the greatest barriers to sexual freedom. From religious messaging to societal silence, many of us grow up associating solo sex with guilt, secrecy, or immaturity.
But here’s the truth: Self-pleasure is a birthright.
It’s a valid and empowering part of being human. Letting go of judgment and creating a loving, intentional practice can transform not just your sexuality — but your self-worth.
Final Thoughts: Honouring Your Body as Sacred
When you begin to see self-pleasure as a sacred act — not just a release or distraction — it becomes a form of self-worship. You get to reclaim your sensuality, free from expectations, comparisons, or performance.
Approach each session with curiosity, patience, and kindness. Remember, there’s no goal to reach. The journey is the gift.
Looking to go deeper?
Consider guided tantric bodywork, sensual coaching, or trauma-informed somatic therapy to further explore your relationship to pleasure and embodiment.
Updated June 2025