In April 2018, I discovered that I had prostate cancer. I had no symptoms; it was discovered by an astute GP whilst investigating an unrelated condition. In no time at all I was referred to a Urology Consultant who advised a prostatectomy (an operation to remove the prostate and hence the associated cancerous cells). The surgery was performed in June 2018. Fortunately, the cancer was discovered early so had not spread to the surrounding areas.
On the surface everything appeared fine but in the bedroom it was quite a different story. A prostatectomy unavoidably damages the nerves involved in creating an erection. Depending upon the extent of the nerve damage, some men can recover; some can’t. In my case the nerve damage was severe leaving me with permanent erectile dysfunction. I’m a happily married man and my wife and I enjoyed an active sexual relationship. Wishing this to continue we tried all the aids available including vacuum pumps and drugs. The drugs had no impact whatsoever and the pump was (for us) the biggest killer of desire and connection ever invented. So, after six months of trying, we accepted the situation and gave up on attempting to have sexual intercourse.
An invitation from the Universe
Then, out of the blue, we heard of a 1 day event called ‘a Touch of Tantra’. We had little idea of what was involved but felt drawn to investigate. This turned out to be our initiation into Tantra. We had a beautiful day with a small group of people, giving and receiving, slow, calm, gentle, caring touch from the heart. No erotic touch involved, yet receiving the touch invoked deep emotions and arousal; my whole body was awake, sensitive and energised. We attended more of these events throughout 2019; each one taking us a little deeper, eventually into some clothes free, intimate touch. The impact of these events was more than sensuality; they left me feeling quite emotional. I wasn’t sure what was going on but something was stirring inside of me. These experiences gave me a whole new perspective on touch, particularly intimate touch. Prior to my experience of Tantra, my view was that intimate touch was simply a prelude to sexual activity. Of course, in many cases, this is true but I now understand it has the potential to be much more, as I’ll explain later.
Continuing my journey
Due to the coronavirus pandemic, these 1 day events finished at the end of 2019. However, I was so enthralled with my experience that I immersed myself in Tantric principles through on-line courses and related reading. I also started to look for a qualified and professional Tantric bodyworker to work with and discovered Tatiana Aitken. I say work with because this is an important distinction between tantric massage and most other forms of massage. I have found that within a tantric massage, your experience is co-created. The practitioner (or your partner) is the impetus to what you are feeling and you take that forward through breathwork and intent. In my experience, the practitioner works with you; not on you.
Through my sessions with Tatiana, I began to understand that energy created through sensual touch doesn’t have to be released in ejaculation. Instead, it can be re-directed up into the heart and the whole body. Instead of letting the energy go, hold onto it and expand it; let it fill the whole body. The whole body ‘aliveness’ you feel is sensational; orgasmic! So here I am, now having blissful, orgasmic moments of ecstasy without any penetrative sex. Furthermore, the ecstasy lasts much longer and in my sessions with Tatiana after a minute or two of rest, just the slightest touch to anywhere on the body and the waves of bliss start up all over again.
I have to admit I was quite rigid in my early sessions with Tatiana but as time progressed, I felt increasingly at ease and more able to fully relax. The more I relaxed, the greater the energy flow.
A new way of being
What I discovered next was life-changing for me. Tantra has more to offer than just pleasure and ecstasy (although if that’s all you want, that’s fine). However, Tantric bodywork does have the potential to develop a whole new way of being. I discovered that as the energy flows and expands throughout the whole body my emotional state began to change.
I seemed to be questioning the values and beliefs that where ingrained in me from childhood (values and beliefs that I did not choose). I was developing a higher level of consciousness and awareness; awareness that I was living my life as others expected me to live it. I realised I wasn’t as free and liberated as I thought I was! So, I began to let go of social constraints that keep you small and adapted. I was able to forget what you should be and just be.
Society is full of shoulds and shouldn’ts but now I’m inclined to accept situations as they are and make my own choices from an open heart. I also feel less controlled by my mind and better connected to my inner wisdom and intuition; a sort of harmony that brings peace. I’m more able to go with the flow of life. If life doesn’t go to plan; that’s OK. What’s meant to be, will be. Things happen and change for a reason.
So through Tantra, I now realise that my prostatectomy was neither a good thing or a bad thing. Events will happen in life; people will judge those events as right or wrong, good or bad, true or false, etc. I now realise you can simply acknowledge it and let it go! Much less stress for you (and the people around you) and instead, you enjoy more happiness in your life.
To find out more about individual and coouples’ sessions, please contact Tatiana: