Why Time Matters in Tantric Massage: What Longer Sessions Make Possible
Introduction
Most people are used to a conventional massage being one hour long – so I often get asked, how long does a tantric massage last and also, how long should a tantric massage be? The length depends on the practitioner and varies from 90 minutes to 5 hours, and in some cases even longer. So the natural follow up question many ask is: why so long, and what are the benefits?
In a nutshell, having the extra time allows for deeper states of relaxation and arousal to be reached. As the nervous system has more time to settle, a greater depth of sensation can emerge, and the likelihood of sexual energy spreading through the whole body increases. In this blog, I explore what becomes possible when there is no need to rush through the tantric massage session.
Why Tantric Massage Takes Time
One of the main reasons tantric massage takes time is because the focus is on staying present as each moment unfolds; nothing is rushed. You are invited to really slow down, take time and space for yourself, to connect more deeply with your own being. I invite you to focus on your breath, on all the sensations that you can notice, and on any subtle changes that occur as we move through the session. This is often referred to as ‘embodiment’ – being more present in your own body.
The difference with a conventional massage is that the focus is more on connection, rather than simply relieving muscle tension. It is about the whole journey from start to finish, and not just a particular outcome. You can read more about the difference between conventional massage vs tantric massage here.
The tantric massage I offer does not focus solely on the genital areas – it includes massage to the whole body, which allows for a deeper state of relaxation and more of a full body experience. This, in itself, takes time.
The First Stage Is Simply Arriving
One of the benefits of longer sessions is that there is more time for simply arriving. We will always start with talking at the start of the session, followed by an optional shower for you, followed by an arriving meditation. This allows you to start to leave behind the journey that you have just been on – whether you have come by car or public transport – and to create a natural transition into a different state of being. If you are interested in what happens during a tantric massage session, you can read this blog on what happens during a tantric massage for women. For male readers, the session structure is similar, obviously with prostate and lingam massage being offered instead of the yoni massage 😊
In my experience, clients often arrive carrying stresses and anxieties of daily life. Since relaxation is gradual, longer sessions allow for this process to happen naturally – it is not something that can be switched into in an instant. I have found this initial slowing down to be highly beneficial in allowing the body to open up to deeper states of pleasure.
Presence Helps the Nervous System Settle
The main reason this slowing down is so useful is because of the role the nervous system plays in pleasure and arousal. We need to feel safe before we can fully relax, which in turn enables us to feel more sensations. Since many people are carrying some level of stress in their bodies, a shorter session of, for example, an hour, is usually just not long enough for the nervous system to enter a state of deeper relaxation.
Focusing on deepening and slowing down the breathing, as well as the awareness of touch you are receiving can support this process. One of the main benefits of longer massage sessions is this effect on the nervous system – some clients have chosen to wear smart watches during the massage, and to send me screenshots after. These have shown the initial gradual relaxation, then entering a much deeper state as the session unfolds. You can read more about how massage therapy impacts on the nervous system in this article by The Middle Wellness. You are also welcome to conduct your own experiment with a smart watch if this is something you may be curious about.
The Body Has Its Own Timeline
When thinking about how long a tantric massage should be, it is important to be aware that everyone is different. The mood we are in, the kind of day we are having, our past experiences can all impact on how long it can take us to relax and enjoy touch and pleasure. Relaxation and pleasure are not something which can be rushed or forced; they emerge in their own time and at their own pace.
The body does not necessarily follow what the mind expects, or wants it to do. For some clients, being able to really relax and let go can take many sessions; for others, this is something they naturally drop into straight away. There is no ‘wrong’ way of being, each journey is individual, and we work with your body, not against it.
Moving Beyond Performance Goals
This is why it can be beneficial to let go of performance goals, or expectations of what you ‘should’ experience. Over the years, I have seen many clients chasing full body orgasms – focusing on the goal so hard, that the rest of the journey became insignificant because it wasn’t THE experience they wanted. It is only through reversing this dynamic, and focusing on the enjoyment of each moment through greater body awareness, that some of them could start to open up to a greater sensual awakening, and deeper orgasmic states. For others, the idea of giving up the ‘goal’ can feel insurmountable. If you are curious about full body orgasms, you can read my blog tantric secrets to having a full body orgasm for some tips.
For many, one of the main benefits of tantric massage is the shift in mindset from focus on the end goal to focus on the whole experience itself. Ironically, this often makes the desired outcomes manifest of their own accord, when there is no forcing, no pressure – just curiosity, presence, and exploration instead.
Why Pace Matters
During a tantric massage, the touch that you receive can also make a difference. The length of the session allows for touch to be slower, since there is no need to rush through to complete the whole body in a shorter time frame. This slower pacing can help you to feel more sensations, opening you up to a higher sensitivity. The body often perceives slow touch differently from fast touch.
If you want to, you can do the following mindfulness and body awareness exercise: take a small household object from near you, such as a pen – close your eyes, then take a couple of minutes touching your hand quickly with it. Following this take a few breaths, and try the same exercise, this time slowing down the touch you give to your hand with the object to as slow as you can go for the same length of time. If you choose to do this, what do you notice?
Slow, conscious touch allows more time for the body to register, and respond, to sensations. This is because of something called CT fibres that are found in our skin. These sensory nerves are tuned to detect slow, gentle touch, and are different from traditional nerve fibres that help to map out the environment around us. CT fibres are activated by slower touch and can help to release ‘feel good’ hormones, such as oxytocin, in the body. You can read this article by Scientific American about the social significance of CT fibres.
Emotional Release as Part of Tantric Massage
Some people may experience the surfacing of emotions during sessions – what is sometimes referred to as emotional release. This is one of the reasons I have split my work into two main branches of ‘tantric massage’ and ‘somatic sex therapy’. Tantric massage focuses on pleasure and deep relaxation, somatic sex therapy is more of a therapeutic modality that focuses on dealing with any deeper seated issues that may emerge.
Emotions can come up because the tension that is held in the body is not always purely physical – and as that tension begins to release, and as the mind and body drop into a deeper state of feeling safe – deeper seated emotions, memories or sensations can start to surface.
For anyone interested in this aspect, I recommend having a look at the somatic sex therapy page, which also has links to relevant blogs, such as information on nervous system regulation, boundaries and consent, and therapeutic touch. I mention this aspect as part of tantric massage only because emotional release can be a side effect of longer sessions.
The Integration Phase
Following the massage, I always invite you to have some integration time – meaning some time to lie or sit quietly to allow you to reflect on your experiences. One of the benefits of longer massage sessions is having the time for this – it avoids an abrupt ending, and allows you to ‘ground’ – meaning helping you stay connected with your body in the present moment.
It also gives time for clients to notice any sensations, thoughts or insights that continue to unfold after the massage has ended. These may include feelings of deep peace, energy moving through the body or new perspectives and ideas. The integration phase can be a highly valuable experience.
What a 3 or 4 Hour Session Makes Possible
The tantric massage sessions I offer are 2, 3 or 4 hours long. The longer, 3 hour massage and 4 hour massage sessions allow for more time to arrive, connect, settle and feel more: more sensation, more pleasure, more relaxation, more energy circulating through the whole body. The session structure itself for the different lengths is very similar, with the main difference being the amount of time given to each part of the session.
Is Longer Always Better?
No, longer is not always better. It is about finding the right length of session for you. Shorter sessions may suit those who experience physical discomfort from lying down, or simply prefer to have a shorter experience. It can take time and practice to build up to being fully present for a full 3 or 4 hours, and a shorter session may be a good starting point.
I offer a 2 hour massage session as a ‘taster’ session. These are for those who are new to tantric massage and not sure if they want the longer session, or those who have time or health constraints which do not allow for longer sessions.
Conclusion
The different aspects of the session – from arriving at the start, to taking time to slow down the touch and become more aware of sensations during the full body massage, to having some integration time at the end – are all important. This is the reason why I do not offer anything shorter than 2 hours, as cutting out, or further shortening, any of the stages above can impact on the overall effectiveness of the outcomes.