What Happens During a Tantric Massage for Women?
Tantric massage for women is a growing trend, with more and more women exploring this practice primarily for their health and wellness. I explore the benefits of tantric massage for women in a separate blog. This one is about what happens during a tantric massage for women, and what to expect from a session.
Before the Session
There is not much to prepare prior to coming for a session. If it feels right, you can feel into what you would really like to get out of our work together. I send out a confidential questionnaire to fill in sometime prior to the session, which will usually help to identify areas you would like to focus on.
These can include feeling more sensation, breathwork, or addressing mild sexual issues. For any deeper seated issues requiring a more therapeutic approach, a somatic sex therapy session may be more appropriate than a tantric massage.
Arriving: Consultation & Shower
When you arrive, we will always begin with a consultation first. During this time, we discuss the questionnaire that you have sent in, and I may ask some additional clarifying questions to help me understand your background and how to best support you. We will also run through how the session will be structured. You will have an opportunity to ask any questions, or share any concerns you may have.
Once we finish talking, you are welcome to have a shower, if you would like to, and then put a sarong around you. Don’t worry if you don’t know how to do this; I will show you an easy way. Please note, you can choose to be naked underneath the sarong, or you can keep on whichever of your clothes you would like to.
Settling: Taking the Time to Slow Down
Once you are ready, we begin by sitting down opposite each other on the massage mattress, which is laid out on the floor. I invite you to start with a short meditation – taking a few minutes to arrive in the space, and bring your attention to the present moment, as much as possible.
Following this, we move to some eye gazing and breathing together – if you are comfortable to do this. In case not, these parts can be missed out; this is something which we discuss during the initial consultation. We then move to the touch part of the session, when you are ready.
Cultivating Safety and Boundaries
Boundaries and consent are central to my work and are the foundation for enabling an embodied sense of safety to be felt. In turn, this can pave the way for deepening the connection with the body, sexual energy, and sensation. I make it clear throughout the session that everything is your choice – there is nothing you have to do.
This is especially important when it comes to touch. If relevant, we may practice you saying words like “pause” and “stop” whilst I give touch to different parts of your body. We will always discuss, and I will always respect, your choices around any parts of your body that you do not want to receive touch to.
In cases where you have experienced boundary violations in the past, we may pay more attention to ensuring you are in consent with the touch you receive using additional tools – again, a somatic sex therapy session would be a more appropriate approach.
Coming into the Present Moment
Following on from the arriving meditation, I invite you to keep your attention in the present moment as I give touch to different parts of your body (wherever is OK for me to touch you). As I slowly move my hand(s) around the body, I will gently bring your attention to sensing the temperature of your skin and my skin, the speed and the pressure of the touch.
Did you know? Slow, mindful touch can help shift the body from a stress response into a more relaxed state, which is where sensation and pleasure are more easily felt.
I will also invite you to notice anything that is happening inside yourself – any thoughts that are crossing your mind, any sensations that you feel arising in your body. You can read more about the practice of mindfulness here from Mindful.
Sometimes, trying to keep attention on all of this is too unfamiliar and challenging initially. In this case, you can focus on just one thing at a time, or simply on your breath flowing in and out. You can choose to be in silence, simply being with the experience, or to occasionally talk to me and share what you are noticing and feeling. Again, whichever feels right for you.
During the Massage: A Gradual Awakening of Sensation
Many women are unsure about what happens during a tantric massage. The first thing to know is that tantric massage is different to a traditional massage. The main difference is that sensuality and arousal are welcome and appropriate – but without there being any goal or expectation to feel anything other than what is arising in the present moment.
One of the main benefits of tantric massage for women is the time taken. It often takes longer for a female body to become fully aroused than a male body. This means that many women have never experienced intimacy that has not felt rushed or goal-orientated. They have often not had the time to allow pleasure, sensation and arousal to build gradually.
“The body is the doorway to presence. When we learn to listen to it, we begin to feel more fully alive.” — Peter Levine
During the massage, we will ordinarily start by working on the back of the body, exploring different ways of receiving touch to see what feels good. We may explore deeper or lighter pressure, faster or slower touch, or simply keeping my hands in stillness over a particular part of your body.
This part of the session often allows for a deeper sense of relaxation to start to be experienced, and a waking up of sensation.
After a break, we move to the front of the body. I usually start at the head, moving my way down to the chest, breasts, abdomen, legs and feet. This outline is just a suggestion and we do not have to follow it – instead, we can be guided by your body, and where you would like to be touched, if that feels appropriate.
I can help you to discover, and verbalise, any desires that you may have. It is common to start to feel new sensations as the whole body wakes up. You may feel tingling or the sensation that electricity is moving through your body. These experiences are individual and vary widely.
What Happens During Yoni Massage?
A yoni is Sanskrit for ‘vagina’ and roughly translates as ‘cave of wonder’, although there are variations. You can read more about the history of the yoni here from My Bliss. Women can choose to have a yoni massage as part of the session, if they would like to. This is usually towards the end of the session. I will always check with you first if you would like me to touch your yoni, and give you time to feel into whether this is right for you. If so, you can choose whether I give the yoni massage wearing a glove, or using my hand.
The tantric yoni massage for women starts with me massaging the outside of the yoni first: the pubic mound, the outer lips, the inner lips and the clitoris. Touch is mindful and slow, and together we explore what sensations feel particularly good. I will then check in with you again in regards to internal yoni massage. If this is something you would like, I will massage the inside of the yoni, focusing on different areas such as the g-spot, cervix, and inner walls. You can read more about yoni massage in this blog: “8 yoni massage techniques for healing and empowerment“.
Whilst orgasm is not the goal of the experience, it is also welcome if this happens during the massage. However, we do not try to push the body into having an orgasm – there is no pressure and no expectation to ‘perform’.
It is not uncommon for emotions to arise during, or following, the yoni massage. If this happens, you will have space to explore anything which comes up. This is an area where tantric massage can start to overlap with somatic sex therapy, which deals more with emotional release and working with blockages. For any deeper seated issues, we can always switch into a more therapeutic mode for future sessions, if appropriate.
What Does a Tantric Massage Feel Like for a Woman?
Many of my female clients are initially unsure about what happens during a tantric massage, particularly if it is their first time. After the session, I often hear women feeling relieved at being able to slow down and feel sensation and arousal at their own pace, in their own way. For many, this is the first time that this can happen. Women start to feel more sensual and reconnect with their bodies in a new, or forgotten, way. They can report feeling ‘lighter’.
It is also not uncommon to feel sexual energy moving through the body. During the massage, we may work on learning specific techniques for moving energy from the yoni and pelvic area to other parts of the body. Spreading this energy can help women to experience full body pleasure. The techniques we practice primarily involve breathwork, working with the pelvic floor, and visualisation. The idea is to learn to have full body orgasms – but again, without pressure or expectation of ‘something’ happening.
After the Session: Integration and Rest
At the end of the massage, you will have time for integration. This involves some time to simply lie and be with whatever sensations are alive in you, allowing whatever is there to just be there.
After this, you are invited to have a shower – if you want one – and get dressed. We will then have the final consultation. This is an opportunity for you to share how the session has been for you, and any takeaways. We will also discuss next steps and how you can integrate the experience into your day to day life.
It often takes another day or two for the experience to be fully processed, during which time you may get insights about yourself, your body, your relationships and your life in general. I will always follow up with you by email or text within a day or two after the session, as long as this is something you would like. You are welcome to then share how you have been feeling since the session, and ask any questions.
Is Tantric Massage Right for You?
Many women ask whether tantric massage is safe. The answer is, generally, yes. Prior to booking, I will send you a treatment contra-indications document to read through, to ensure that you don’t have any medical conditions that may prevent you from having a session.
Tantric massage may not be right for you if you have a history of trauma, abuse or similar, especially in connection with sexuality and relationships. In this case, it would be more appropriate to start with talking only sessions, and gradually move to touch using somatic sex therapy methods. Once comfortable with receiving touch, we may move to tantric massage sessions.
Tantric massage may or may not be appropriate for conditions such as anorgasmia, or conditions that involve pain to be experienced during sex. You can read more about yoni massage therapy here. We will always discuss which options are right for you.
Closing Thoughts and Further Information
Tantric massage can be a wonderfully empowering experience for women, helping them to more deeply connect with themselves and their femininity. The sessions I offer are professional and focused on your well-being. Each tantric massage for women session unfolds at a pace that is right for you.
Find Out More About Tantric Massage
Frequently Asked Questions
Is tantric massage sexual?
Tantric massage is sexual in the sense that your pleasure and arousal are welcome. It is not sexual in the sense of a two-way experience: I keep my clothes on during the session, and the touch is mostly one way. This means that primarily I touch you; you can give some touch for connection, such as holding my hand, or giving a hug. My boundaries are discussed at the start of the session.
Can I have a tantric massage during my period?
This is entirely up to you and down to your level of comfort. Some women prefer to schedule appointments when they do not have their periods, others do not have a preference.
How long is a session?
The tantric massage sessions I offer are between 2-4 hours long. If you are looking for a deeper state of relaxation / arousal, I would recommend either the 3 or the 4 hour session. The 2 hour session is a good “taster” session if you are curious about the experience.
Does having a tantric massage mean I am cheating on my partner?
The service provided is professional and has clear boundaries. It is generally not considered as cheating by most. However, my advice is to speak with your partner openly, and ensure that they are supportive of you having this experience.